It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
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Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.