Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
