dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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