I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize