I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
