You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
