I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
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I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How does it feel to date your dad?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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