we have officially lost it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
