last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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