So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
