Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
