Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
