we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
