Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.