Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you