new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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