Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
