i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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