Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
