So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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