Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dick very happy bro
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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