I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
