hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
