Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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