I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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