my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so let's talk penis.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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