i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
