My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
