He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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