he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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