She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
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Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder