It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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