apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.