R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
