Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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