she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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