a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Dick very happy bro
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
