the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah