good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
