the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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