Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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