Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
