Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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