Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
