Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
