i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
