Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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