i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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