I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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