Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
