I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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