I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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