My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
