ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
